| no sugar tonight in my coffee... |
[Dec. 6th, 2007|11:32 pm] |
| [ | tunes |
| | someday you will be loved - death cab for cutie | ] |
For the past four or five days, my hearts been in pain. My chest has felt like it's about to burst, or that it's empty, or that there's a twenty ton brick on it. So I went to the doctor and they gave me some tests (the EKG is the second most awkward medical thing I've had to do) and since the doctor wasn't in at night, they told me that I would "live through the night haha" and come back in the morning, but to lay off the caffiene and the stress.
I just realized now how much I use caffiene as a crutch. I was starting to feel tired, as a normal person should around 11:30PM, and my immediate thought was "brew coffee". It's like an instinctive thing to do to get my second wind so I'll stay up working until three in the morning. Now wonder I'm all crazy and twitchy and tired all the time. Fack that shat. Coffee only in the morning from now on, for cereal. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2007|09:50 pm] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Hold On" - Tom Waits | ] |
http://twentyoneohtwo.blogspot.com/2007/12/i-am-slowly-going-crazy-crazy-slowly.html
Yup. That about capsulizes the feeling.
I was so in-the-zone I couldn't look at anything besides Final Draft for a full twenty-minutes. That never happens. I usually write one sentence and then play around on Wikipedia for a few minutes, then IM someone then come back to the script. But I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper in the Courier type and I had to snap myself out of it by going for a walk. Okay, back to work. Page 72.
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| We're doing fine. We're doing nothing at all. |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|01:09 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | anyone else but you - moldy peaches | ] |
I keep on re-discovering my old music and realizing how much more I like it than my old music:
or maybe not like it more, but that how I need to still listen to it.
Crittle and his brother made a puppet company. Ch-ch-check it out. www.littlescreatures.com
We are out of coffee. Panic sets in. |
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| Picking up where I left off. |
[Nov. 27th, 2007|04:32 pm] |
I was going to write about how much I hate apathy but then the next paragraph was going to be about how I don't care about schoolwork anymore.
Never Have I Ever is the greatest game to play to catch up with old friends. You just say something like "Never have I ever had a one night stand" and then glance around to see who's put their hands down/is a sluuuut. We played at Pat Ryan's (or Spaz if you're old school) house. I think Meredith is hiding a drug problem.
Mike got me a headlamp for my birthday and my mom wore it out into the garden one night when she wanted to chop some of her lettuce from the garden at like 10pm. She came back holding a huge handful of lettuce and the thing was sliding up her head making her hair all crazy and she's smiling so wide and says "Wow! It really works!". I just think that would make a great commercial.
Thursday was Thanksgiving and Wendy and I watched a little kid Marshfield/Duxbury rumble at the game, then later Mike and I went to Trevor's. Friday night we had two run ins with the fuzz. Mothafuckin Mahshfield cops. It ended with me, Teej and Roff hanging out at the bonfire alone under that big beautiful sky way late at night. Saturday night was the happiest surprise ever. Corey invited me and Wendy to a party at this mysterious "Rich"'s house. So we went, expecting it to be all Pembroke kids and then it happened to be a house full of people we know!
Marshfield = fire and booze. |
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| Breaking hearts and breaking guitars. |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|05:06 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| | puddlewonderful | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "You and I Both" - Jason Mraz | ] |
I found out what I was missing. Like why I wasn't feeling like myself here. It's because I didn't do anything. I was half-heartedly in ICES. In high school, I threw myself into everything. That's also how I met my crazy friends. Now I'm doing stuff, VIC, ICTV, kickboxing and possibly Vagina Monologues. I feel so much more like myself. As Ross would say "I'm sicknasty". |
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| Popcorn |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|02:42 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  yeup | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | Lying is the Most Fun... - Panic! At the Disco | ] |
Last night was crazy. It was good and it was bad. The End.
I'm halfway through shadowing to become a DJ on 106VIC, Ithaca's internet radio station. Sweeeeet. I also am Lighting Assistant for a ICTV show called Fake Out! and tomorrow I have a meeting for American Contraband. I need to give the producer a short political script to see if I can be a writer. If not, then I'll be some sort of tech crew person. Yadda yadda. I'm excited. Hopefully I'll like doing all this and hopefully will get into Park and hopefully I'll have something to do with my life. Hopefully.
I just used the word "hopefully" incorrectly four times. Where is my mind? |
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| Then think of what I did and how I hope to God he was worth it. |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|04:00 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have..." | ] |
Sign Language is terrifying. For the first forty-five minutes, she didn't say a word. She just signed to us. It was amazing how we could learn without words. We could figure out what she was saying. I love it. At the end, she started talking and I jumped because it was strange to hear voices after so much silence. Plus it was strange to hear the voice of someone who had only shown communication through gestures. Maybe the same effect of seeing a radio DJ.
Media Writing rocks. "Blogs are really hot right now". My teacher is wicked young and cool. There are only eight of us. Three of whom I already know. I think I'm really going to love this class.
Today in Emergency Health Care, my big basketball coach of a teacher made me give him the Heimlich Manuever in front of the class. Then he pretended to pass out. I was scared! |
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| Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile. |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|09:20 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | happpppyy | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Posters" - Jack Johnson | ] |
Okay. I had my first eight o'clock class today. Waking up was hell but two of the girls in my class live on my floor so I'm hoping we can work out a banging-on-the-door-to-wake-each-other-up system. I think I'll like Intro to Mass Media, not because it's interesting necessarily but because my teacher is just so awake and funny. She's also a lesbian. Like a real one. She was like "My shirt and pants both belonged to a 1950's queer guy".
My other classes have been Cultural Anthro which I am super stoked about not just because my advisor Dave teaches it (he's awesome) but it just seems absolutely fascinating and Emergency Health Care which "If you don't get an A in my class, you're mentally retarded" (my teacher the basketball coach) because it's basically just learning First Aid, CPR and AED once a week and if we learn them fast enough and get certified then we can cancel class midway through the semester.
Sweeeeeet.
I'm really glad to be back. I missed the Boot. |
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| "I still want to breathe underwater" - Steve Zissou |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|12:40 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Every Thug Needs a Lady" - Alkaline Trio | ] |
Fall semester this year I will be a second semester sophomore. Weird! Go AP credits.
Never leave your roomate alone with the computer guy because he will try to rape her. Seriosuly.
Ross is drunk and its Monday. |
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| Nothing matters Mary, when you're free. |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|10:34 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  Like dancing | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Don't Phunk With My Heart" - Black Eyed Peas | ] |
So. I'm back at school. It felt weird at first but now it feels really good.
I switched my schedule all around and it's good.
Just generally good feelings.
Katie and I went to a cardiokickboxing class today and I feel so amazing. We're gonna go thrice a week.
( no homework. bored. ) |
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| I love peas. |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|01:53 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | happyyy | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Proud Mary" - Creedance Clearwater Revival | ] |
"I am ruler of my house." - Meredith
As I predicted, today was amazing. Corey's party. Monique's party. Then to Chinatown with Wendy, Gina, Meredith, Shannyn and Michael.
Shannyn, I don't care if I'm a fag:
My heart ticks in beat with these kids that I grew up with.
Phone whore. |
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| These are the days when anything goes. Every day is a winding road. |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|12:48 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| | aghh! | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | Life is a Highway | ] |
So, I swallowed my pride and sent Keuther my letter to accept my scholarship from him. Gaddamnit.
Ahhh, I don't want to go back just yet! Today is going to rock. I'll probably cry the whole car ride up tomorrow. Also gaddamnit.
Who knows where this road will take us? Further away or closer together? I can't believe we all said goodbye again. Goodbye for four months. Hugging is weird. It's like making a physical bond to express your emotional bond.
Good times. |
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| Stefan's not home, leave a message on his phone, cos he's not home right now to TAKE YOUR CALL |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|12:08 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | Antibalas | ] |
Today was a mixed bag of emotions.
I went to visit my great aunt Chick at her nun hospital in Framingham today. I love her so much. My confirmation name Juan is after her nun name Sister Juan. It was really hard to visit her though. She's really old and sick but she's still very much "all there". She's had two strokes but can still speak fluent French. She's amazing. The hard part is when she said "The doctor said I'm not going to die of this cancer. Probably blood pressure or my heart. Tralalala." It was at that moment when I realized exactly how old she was. I knew why I had come to visit her was because this could possibly be my last time seeing her. I still have her and all four of my grandparents. I've never had to feel this way. When I had to leave, I walked down this long white hallway. I got to the elevator and the door opened to this little old woman with a walker. I looked her right in the eyes and started crying. She politely stepped out of the elevator. As I got in the elevator, Patrick called. Hearing his voice always reminds me of being sixteen. I had this great tug, this I have so great blessing to be young but one day I'm going to wind up like this in a hospital and being told how I'm going to die and have to wait until it happens. I wish old age happened first. Then I could truly appreciate being young and maybe I would have appreciate sixteen a little more.
Then the drive home. I got lost for an hour in like Canton, Neponset St, Milton, I think? I was tailgated, lost, almost in a million accidents. Being lost is one of my biggest fears. I went ballistic. I was crying all over the place and getting so road raged I wanted to charge other cars. It was bad. I'm not sure if it was because I was still sad or if I was really that scared/angry at my lostness. It was weird. I'm usually really passive and it was scary being so crazy.
Also, route 9 in Natick is the ugliest place ever. It's just power lines and commercial signs.
Also, one of my top five recording artists is Van Morrison.
Also, I think the most soulful parts of some songs are the "Shalalala", "Babababa" and "Nanana" choruses. It's like "yadda yadda" or just feeling something without having to express it through words.
Then tonight was the poker game with Patrick, Crittle, Stefan, Steve, Adam, Jesse, Liam and Brian and it was really great and my little brother won. |
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| Whats the deal with mullets? |
[Jan. 12th, 2006|12:52 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | sleeeeeeepyyyyy | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Little Red Corvette" - Prince | ] |
Today was amazing. Meredith, Bridget and I lazed around and watched two discs of Arrested Development while sucking down Shirley Temples and eating delicious eggs (Thank you Chef Meredith) for four hours. I didn't even get dressed because they were coming over. In fact, I was dressed and then I undressed to pajamas just for this lazy occasion.
Tonight I went to an Irish bar in Dorchester with Nick, Justin, Corey and Ben to see Adam do stand-up. It was a major sausage fest. It was fun. Justin and I got Shirley Temples. Some of the comics were hilarious and some were quite cringeworthy. Good times.
When someone says "You have a nice smile" you should be really happy. What if you had an ugly smile? Like what if when you smiled people cringed? Someone would be like "you have an ugly smile. Don't smile. When you smile, it is aesthetically unpleasing to others". You'd be like :( and they'd be like "Good".
There is a metallic silver sharpie on this desk and I wanted to use it so I wrote "MAUS PAD" on the mouse pad. Of course it won't come off, but I might be able to blame this on Brian because he read the book, too. One time I carved my name into Michael's desk and I couldn't really pin it on Brian because there was no way that he would sit there and carve my name into wood. It took effort and time.
I want to go back to school but I know that as soon as I start going to class, I'll wish I was falling asleep on my couch in my pajamas watching Yes, Dear. |
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| Here it goes. |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|11:16 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" - Satori | ] |
I've been tagged for this three times already.
Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yours" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about their 5 quirky habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.
1. I can't take the trash out at night unless my mom watches through the kitchen window to make sure no skunks get me.
2. When my throat gets itchy, I make a weird mix of like the ribbit of a frog and clucking of a hen noise and it is just weird.
3. If something is sitting on a table in front of me, I need to arrange it and rearrange it. Just little obsessive-compulsive making things orderly. Like pencils, forks, napkins.
4. If I have a mint in my mouth, I need to roll it over and over again with my tongue.
5. If I have gum in my mouth, I split it in half with my teeth and chew a piece on both sides of my mouth. I used to do this alot more when I was nervous.
I tag: whoever feels like doing this. |
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| The Ba-donk-a-donk Duke! |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|01:59 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "A Little Fall of Rain" - Les Mis | ] |
I'm gonna have a daughter and name her Antigone. Whatever happened to Antigones? I'll have a son named Lawrence but we'll call him Larry because I've never met a Larry younger than 30. My daughter's middle name will be Zelda and my son's middle name will be Eugene. Seriously. I need to have a bunch of kids. I want Wednesday, April, Howard, Ernest, Humphrey and Dolores. |
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| Living just to find emotion. |
[Jan. 9th, 2006|05:19 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Good Boy" - Barenaked Ladies | ] |
Once upon a time, Roffey and I got coffee and then walked out on the jetty where we met Phillipe the Seal of the Sea. J'adore Phillipe. We waved at him and he waved back. Then we took pictures of him and he yawned. Then the sun set and it was really really beautiful. Then we drove around listening to loud music. The End.
I saw Munich the other night with Meredith. Feel good comedy of the year. Actually it was really good and the more I think about it, the more I like it. Seriously go see it instead of some of the other crappy movies that are out.
I played Ben and Adam in poker. I came in second. I need to go back to my poker sensei Stefan for more lessons apparently.
Also, I have the coolest older brother ever. |
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| Every slow and quiet car ride I spent drinking in the backseat |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|12:55 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Soco Amaretto Lime" - Brand New | ] |
With any luck, they'll make a made-for-TV movie about this. Make it a Hollywood romance or a coming-of-age story. It'll start off a comedy and end in trajedy or maybe just a reflective moment. We'll all be played by better looking actors and they'll be no line wasted in our witty banter. They'll probably edit all the scenes where we drove around all night with no where to go. They'll make our parties sexier. Any minor characters will be out, as to not complicate the plot. They'll focus in on one of us, when it was really always about all of us. One scene will definately be when you met me in the library parking lot when my heart was freshly broken. It's a good thing it was raining, that always adds to the effect. They may keep the scene at the restaurant afterwards for a comedic backstory but I'm guessing sitting around Burger King afterwards will probably be out. They'll definately put the scene of us nightswimming in the trailor because the REM song would go great on the soundtrack and naked girls in any movie trailer will definately raise profits. I'm not sure how they'll end it though, seeing as this story isn't quite over. Maybe they'll make this part one or the prologue.
Last night Duffy, Darren and I went to Bickfords. I got pancakes.
Tonight Mer, Erin, Grace and Bridget came over, we went to say goodbye to Shannyn then to rent a movie. Then my car died so we were forced to go to Papa Ginos.
I want to learn Braille. I could probably teach it to myself.
I also finally tuned my guitar correctly but I still don't know how to play it so I just walk around strumming it. |
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| I know that I'm being used. That's okay man cause I like the abuse. |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|01:11 am] |
| [ | feeling |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "They Don't Want Music" - BEP & James Brown | ] |
By the year 2015, all children will travel solely by wheeled-sneakers.
Someday I would like to be mugged walking across a parking lot to go into a store and the mugger will find that I don't have money or credit cards, just a gift card to that store.
I bought a book today called "Female Chaunvanist Pigs". I'm not that far into it but the interesting part was that Massachusetts has the lowest divorce rate in the US. Also, eight out of the top ten highest divorce rates were in the Bible belt. Guess they aren't putting their reasons for voting into practice. Shame on you heretical Southerners....
I went to Andie's One Act rehearsal to give Derek his guitar back. I warmed up with them and got to sit in the back and watch a play and be on the other side of notes for once. It brought good closure though. Like realizing that this was still going on and me being okay with not being on stage. It was just nice to sit back and enjoy. I'm really glad I did Drama and I'm glad with everything I did in it, a part of my life with no regrets. I am so glad I broke my face sophomore year or else I never would have tried out, never wouldve have gotten that part that let me meet Darren and Duffy, who turned out to be two of the most reliable friends I've ever had.
Today I went into Boston with Justin, Nick and Adam to see Brokeback Mountain at Coolidge Corner. Now, there was all this "haha gay cowboys" and "oh my god, its so hot" talk, but really, it wasn't all that shocking. Maybe it was because I had been expecting it but I wasn't like "Whoa, man sex!". I thought the more important part of the movie was on timelines and decisions. In The Notebook fashion where they have this steamy romance but then can't be together and it shows how this pans out throughout their lives. Actually, come to think of it, this was alot like the Notebook. Except, you know, with gay cowboys. It was also interesting how they never once did say "I love you".
Anyways, Heath Ledger did an awesome job of playing the quiet, strong cowboy Clint Eastwood type. His face even seemed to be more tight and like weatherworn. In one or two scenes though, I saw a Knight's Tale flash and was expecting a British accent.
In high school I would have leaped with lizards over this report card but now, I'm way disappointed. I really wanted an A in Writing. I didn't do 3/4 of the homework assignments though. I was all "No way does he check them all off" and stopped doing them after like the second week. Then on the last day the TA handed them all back and I was like "Oh yeah that's why we have a TA".
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| He never thought that it would come to this. He never thought he would do a Bev. |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|04:17 pm] |
| [ | feeling |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | tunes |
| | "Most Likely You Will Go Your Way and I Will Go Mine" | ] |
Summer needs to happen, like now. I need a campfire on the beach.
Also, in recovering today, I re-read alot of my old entries from this time last year. Though we made it seem like hell, high school was pretty damn fun. Like while Mone's class made me want to give myself a frontal lobotomy, it was also hella awesome. I also really miss how all my classes were basically the same people. We knew that Meredith would always know the answer, Wendy would cry at every movie, Jay would draw penises on the chalkboard, TMil would jump out the window, Michelle would not let anyone touch her, Betsy would turn everything in two weeks late, Shannyn would fall asleep and everyone would make snide comments because thats how we rolled, a thirty something large group of smart assholes.
I miss Drama, too. But if I start writing about it, I'll most likely cry.
( Dork-isms )
It's easier to leave than to be left behind
Leaving was never my proud
Leaving New York, never easy
I saw the light fading out
Now life is sweet
And what it brings
I tried to take
But loneliness
It wears me out
It lies in way |
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